02/06: Lying - the nature of my job...
I came to the conclusion last night I spend a significant portion of my work day lying and telling partial truths - all as a function of my job. People in the field ask why something isn't working or what we have done. They are not looking for a technical answer or even an answer that attempts to explain what's wrong (that would take too long don'tcha know!).
No, the moment I attempt to explain why the database is down they butt in - "no no no.. I don't want technical jargon.. and do not attempt to educate me because that's too technical as well". Okay.. if I explain that "the network is jammed up like a traffic jam" that is sort of true in a metaphorical sense but it's still a lie. Most of the time that satisfies folks but then you get the few that want to know *why* that jam occurs so they can blame "them". I explain that not only a fight for resources is occurring but things are trying to access the same data in the same location a hundred fold. Mkay.. that may suffice but then the great finger of blame is cast about because 'gosh darn it folks shouldn't be needing *that* data while I do'.
Okay.. you want to know "the details" of how a table is accessed by multiple people at the same time and the outcome you are seeing.. but you don't want to know any terms or explanation of terms.... in effect you want me to dumb-down/abstract a computer function but at the same time be minutely precise so you can regurgitate this to someone on your end to cement your superiority and awesomeness.
I occasionally get tired of the game of opposites and just create larger and more abstract metaphors until things are sufficiently fuzzy and overloaded the user wanders off. I should write some of those down.. they are fairly amusing.
Then there's the perception and reality difference between my schedule and what I am doing versus what I am supposed to be doing. No one wants to hear that their work, the highest of high priorities, is not being worked on... and when I explain "I'll get to it in a bit" that equates to "I am humming away nicely at it right now". Bosses do not want things done in time frame weeks from now they want them done yesterday. Saying other wise gets a reprimand.
It's bizarre that I catch myself in meetings trying to come up with reconciling my perceived schedule against my actual schedule. Who gets what time slot, who do I need to placate for the moment so I don't waste more time in an argument about why their stuff is super star important on my list, and who presents things along the lines of "I hope I am not imposing, but..." (when damn well if you say you are imposing they fly off the handle and that will further damage my influence capital I need with them in a week or so).
Of course there is this project... I have become so jaded to the fluctuating time line that I amble towards the finish line pulling this bloated corpse called CB along through sheer force of will. Sure.. I know the general direction our compass is pointing and I can head that way, but massive schedule deviations no longer phase me. I'll get what I can done today, have a good goal for tomorrow, and that's about it. The perception of the schedule varies like a yo-yo, but the reality is a methodical pace will see us through the end.
It is a sick sick game that on occasion I relish when all the gears lock into place for a split second and reality and perception intersect and we are able to belch forth a patch that takes care of about fifteen issues of varying degrees.
No, the moment I attempt to explain why the database is down they butt in - "no no no.. I don't want technical jargon.. and do not attempt to educate me because that's too technical as well". Okay.. if I explain that "the network is jammed up like a traffic jam" that is sort of true in a metaphorical sense but it's still a lie. Most of the time that satisfies folks but then you get the few that want to know *why* that jam occurs so they can blame "them". I explain that not only a fight for resources is occurring but things are trying to access the same data in the same location a hundred fold. Mkay.. that may suffice but then the great finger of blame is cast about because 'gosh darn it folks shouldn't be needing *that* data while I do'.
Okay.. you want to know "the details" of how a table is accessed by multiple people at the same time and the outcome you are seeing.. but you don't want to know any terms or explanation of terms.... in effect you want me to dumb-down/abstract a computer function but at the same time be minutely precise so you can regurgitate this to someone on your end to cement your superiority and awesomeness.
I occasionally get tired of the game of opposites and just create larger and more abstract metaphors until things are sufficiently fuzzy and overloaded the user wanders off. I should write some of those down.. they are fairly amusing.
Then there's the perception and reality difference between my schedule and what I am doing versus what I am supposed to be doing. No one wants to hear that their work, the highest of high priorities, is not being worked on... and when I explain "I'll get to it in a bit" that equates to "I am humming away nicely at it right now". Bosses do not want things done in time frame weeks from now they want them done yesterday. Saying other wise gets a reprimand.
It's bizarre that I catch myself in meetings trying to come up with reconciling my perceived schedule against my actual schedule. Who gets what time slot, who do I need to placate for the moment so I don't waste more time in an argument about why their stuff is super star important on my list, and who presents things along the lines of "I hope I am not imposing, but..." (when damn well if you say you are imposing they fly off the handle and that will further damage my influence capital I need with them in a week or so).
Of course there is this project... I have become so jaded to the fluctuating time line that I amble towards the finish line pulling this bloated corpse called CB along through sheer force of will. Sure.. I know the general direction our compass is pointing and I can head that way, but massive schedule deviations no longer phase me. I'll get what I can done today, have a good goal for tomorrow, and that's about it. The perception of the schedule varies like a yo-yo, but the reality is a methodical pace will see us through the end.
It is a sick sick game that on occasion I relish when all the gears lock into place for a split second and reality and perception intersect and we are able to belch forth a patch that takes care of about fifteen issues of varying degrees.
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