It's an interesting night where folks I hoped showed up did, and then I simultaneously didn't want them there. Fucking weird man. The answer is, for me, "no, it doesn't get better but you learn to adapt and build walls" poured out of my mouth to my genuine lack of surprise. I am not sure if that is the right answer, but after four years it is the only answer I can come up with outside of the perpetual "don't embarrass me in public" to wit I respond with psychological and emotional barriers. If you are a ghost among the populace then you can't embarrass anyone, right?

My mentoring skills kicked in at the nineteen year old level. Double-think of "I know we will never be together but I still put up the futile attempt" is a hard nut to crack.

... and Saturday Shell drove the front end of a car into the light pole.

Fun fun as we run and gun.